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Six months ago I got a job as a teacher in a prestigious private school. I was so glad that I was able to pass the rigorous selection process that I didn't even specify my list of responsibilities. The director immediately "hung up" on me the preparation of educational programs, preparation of festive events and many other "extra-curricular" work. When I asked how best to fulfill this or that assignment, I ran into smiles and unpleasant remarks: "You still do not know how to do this?" I silently bear grudges, I try my last bit, but instead of gratitude, I only got gastritis.

Oksana, 34 years old

Why do we allow other people to invade our lives and take time, peace of mind and good humor out of it?

It looks like it's time for Oksana to build personal boundaries. Psychological boundaries are a designation of a safe territory, a kind of boundary between "I" and "not-I". When they are violated, the person may feel resentment, disgust, or anger. Setting your boundaries means making it clear to other people what you can allow in relation to yourself and what you will not allow in any case. There can be many signs of a lack of personal boundaries: fear of rejection, depression, victim psychology, and accusatory attitude.

The reason for the absence of its territory is usually childhood trauma, if the parents did not take into account the wishes of the child, did not respect his interests. What is to be done for an adult who has become a resident of terra nullius (no man's land)? When defending your psychological territory, it is important not to dive into tacit resentments. An "intruder" will never know that he has crossed your borders if he is not informed about it. You need to express your needs in a friendly way, find out the desires of the other and discuss how you could combine them. At the same time, it is necessary to talk about your feelings, without blaming or reproaching the other person, expressing understanding. Use the pronoun "I", not "you." For example, in the case of a school principal, you shouldn't say: "You tortured me with your instructions." The phrase may sound like this: “I understandhow educational programs are important for you (holding an event, etc.), but I cannot do it, because I do not have time for this. " "No" is generally the main word that sets the boundaries of your personal space, it is a symbolic border post. Saying the word “no,” you let other people know how much they have control over your feelings, personal time or things. It should be remembered that for a person who is already accustomed to the invasion, the first "no" will be a complete surprise. Be ready for this and don't back down. Setting boundaries is a sign of growing up internally and will require a lot of work from you: awareness, time and perseverance.which sets the boundaries for your personal space, it is a symbolic border post. Saying the word “no,” you let other people know how much they have control over your feelings, personal time or things. It should be remembered that for a person who is already accustomed to the invasion, the first "no" will be a complete surprise. Be ready for this and don't back down. Setting boundaries is a sign of growing up internally and will require a lot of work from you: awareness, time and perseverance.which sets the boundaries for your personal space, it is a symbolic border post. By uttering the word “no,” you let other people know how much they can control your feelings, personal time, or things. It should be remembered that for a person who is already accustomed to the invasion, the first "no" will be a complete surprise. Be ready for this and don't back down. Setting boundaries is a sign of growing up internally and will require a lot of work from you: awareness, time and perseverance. Setting boundaries is a sign of growing up internally and will require a lot of work from you: awareness, time and perseverance. Setting boundaries is a sign of growing up internally and will require a lot of work from you: awareness, time and perseverance.