Beats - Does Not Mean Love - Relations

I have a difficult situation in my family. I have been married for 12 years, I have three children, the youngest is only one year old. My husband beat me almost from the first days of my life together, at first it was "just" slaps in the face. He could push me lightly, hit me on the head. In such cases, my husband made excuses, saying that he did not hit me with full force and that I myself provoked him. I cried, but endured. It was a shame that this happened in front of the children. Recently we quarreled again, this time my husband beat me severely, broke my nose, kicked me in the stomach. Then he cried, asked for forgiveness, swore that this would not happen again. I don't know what to do, because I love him. And then, how to raise children without a father?

Natalia, 36 years old

Often people call love what it really isn't. It's about emotional addiction. The difference is fundamental; love is constructive, fills life with happiness and joy; and emotional dependence, like any other (alcoholic or drug), leads to the destruction of a person's life, to the suppression of his personality. In our country, domestic violence is a problem for every fourth family, and according to the results of anonymous surveys, this figure is much higher.

You endured for 12 years, but finally realized that such a life does not suit you. The first step has already been taken - you have realized the very fact of the existence of violence in the family. Further, two options are possible: psychological assistance to both spouses or separation. If the aggression is too deeply rooted (and this is just your case), the last solution to the problem is inevitable.

Of course, parting is always pain. There is a strong emotional connection between the executioner and the victim. Sometimes it seems that it is impossible to break the “vicious circle”. A woman is afraid that she will not be able to cope with raising children, housing or material problems. However, it is not. Professional psychologists, crisis center specialists, and your relatives will definitely help you. The main thing that can give you strength and confidence is your children. Ideally, children need both a mother and a father. However, children living in conditions of domestic violence are psychologically depressed no less than their mother. Growing up, they are rarely able to build relationships in their families. You must be responsible for yourself and for your children, and always remember that you do not deserve pain and suffering.