Call The Monster - Society

Thin, tiny, with half-face eyes, Valera is called Cholera at home. Well, naturally, plague girl, in most cases the mother's address to her begins with the words "Cholera is clear!" This is followed by a long tirade, describing in detail the state of Valera's room, the dining table after the meal, homework not done, and a bicycle abandoned in the middle of the corridor. Valera speaks at a prestissimo pace, staccato moves in space. Choleric temperament is evident. The home nickname stuck to her tightly, to such an extent that friends of the house inscribe birthday presents to "Favorite Cholera." She calls herself Lera.

MIMI AND NYASHI

Of course, a variety of animals hold the palm in the list of domestic nicknames. From banal Bunnies and Seals, flowing into my Fish, to Tigers and Bulls. Children are called affectionately: Mouse, Sweet Kisik, Gusik-Gugusik (according to the first sounds pronounced), Fly and Beaver. The baby can be called the Hedgehog - because in the first year of life there was a cool mohawk on the head, or Bunny because of the cute protruding ears. By the way, in the psychoanalytic tradition of interpreting dreams, it is believed that all small furry creatures seen at night are children. And the dreamed children, on the contrary, symbolize all kinds of plans, projects and works. Which is very correct, it seems to me. A child is a project and a job. And not at all mimimi and nyasha, as some believe.

Children's nicknames can sometimes have a bizarre history, apart from which the name seems like a terrible perversion and mockery.

A red-haired, curly-haired person, who looks about three years old, enters the courtyard grocery store. The cheeks are just not bursting, in the hands of a scapula and a bucket, a boat is drawn on the belly. The saleswoman tries to flatter a profitable customer:

- Who is so handsome here ?! Who has such blue eyes ?! What is your name?

“A monster,” the child responds happily and readily. - That's what dad calls me.

Auntie looks with apprehension at the mother of the Beast.

“Yeah, yeah,” the woman confirms quite calmly. - As a monster is, for three years he does not let anyone sleep, neither day nor night.

The contented Beast is removed, rewarded with ice cream and juice. The surrounding is shocked.

MARINA STEPANOVNA IN PUMPERS

The memorable “Don't call me Thomas, Miss Becky, that's my name when they want to be flogged” also takes place in our lives. All children know that when mom or dad shout menacingly from the kitchen: "Maria Stepanovna, come on here!" - most likely, it smells like kerosene. And it's too late to run. As if a full name automatically means full responsibility.

A child can be called a Dragon, because in infancy he was tormented by belching and heartburn, a Caterpillar, because again in infancy “food comes from one end, and from the other it comes out in a processed form”, a Crazy Cockroach, because he crawled and did not walk, but very fast.

A close friend of mine is called Tiptsa Fenya, and this is a children's version of the Phoenix Bird. Only in my memory she came back from the other world three times, so the nickname arose for a reason. Houses are called affectionately - Bird. Well, such a big Bird, adult. The last time Tipza tried to glue the flippers, the whole huge family prayed and hoped precisely for her ability to rise from the ashes, and the name was very encouraging. All right.

SO GENTLE … CURSES

"Give your dog a bad name and you can hang it," says an English proverb. Sometimes nicknames are given in mockery, by siblings or classmates. They sound mocking, do not let you forget that you are insignificant and small, sloven, clumsy, stuffed boots. From the same quite euphonious name, young humorists manage to build offensive and humiliating curses.

“It always seemed to me that they love their younger brother more, they tinker with him, they allow him everything, help, do not scold him. I had dexterity and organization on my side, my brother was clumsy from birth, he dropped everything, broke, was constantly injured. And I named him the Teapot - meaning "muddler, beginner." How he was mad, and angry, and sobbed when I called him that! It was a pleasure to tease him. My parents forbade, scolded, appealed to my conscience and kindness, but the temptation was too great. I trampled on him for all the injustice of my life. When we grew up and became friends, the nickname fell off by itself, now no one even remembers about it."

I have a very sad story when classmates made a wildly indecent nickname with sexual connotations from a common, common and cute girlish name. Relatively speaking, "Galya-Genital" is only rougher and more vulgar. The fact that this creative idea, so to speak, belonged to the victim's best friend added an additional abomination to the situation. Well, that is, the girl thought so that it was her best friend.

The girl was hunted down to a suicide attempt. To her credit, it should be said that she tried all the ways to influence the situation: she ignored, directly asked not to call her that, looked for help from adults … Everyone brushed aside, said: "Be above this", offered to laugh it off or, more fun, to herself like that call them "they don't think you're hurting." Thank God, the girl was unable to fully implement her plan, but her parents got scared and took her out of school before the end of the school year. Now she goes to psychotherapy and recalls her wonderful school years only with tears and vomiting spasms.

DUMB AND DUMBER

Sometimes the child's family is called "our goof" or "our fool", apparently believing that the child realizes his shortcomings and will correct himself. One grandmother told me that a five-year-old grandson asked to visit her because “you say 'cute' to me, but at home only 'Senya is a freak'”.

From this point of view, the common "Kid" in adolescence starts to be wildly annoying. I am here struggling to grow, worry, grow up, defend my rights and boundaries, and my name is: "Kid, go to eat!" Or even worse: "Small". What a small one I am to you, I have already outgrown my dad, not to mention the 46th shoe size!

Sorry, friend, the one who was born number three will always be the youngest, favorite, sweet boy. After all, this allows parents to stop time, not to think about its transience, about the approaching old age and death. Be a toddler so we can feel young. It doesn't matter that mom has to climb onto a stool to pat you on the head, don't be angry, this will all end soon, unfortunately.

IVAN VASILIEVICH THE GROZNY

Men in a family are most often called by name and patronymic, but as if it were not passport data, but a military rank: Air Force (Vasily Vasilyevich Stepanov, for example), Peter the Great (unlike Petit the little one), Vasya the Majesty. The status of the father of the family requires adherence to a complex ceremony, which is difficult to ensure in the current flash mob circumstances. Therefore, it is necessary to award the chapter with the appropriate titles: Secret Physicist. Or Mr. Professor.

EXPERT OPINION

HOW TO FIND YOURSELF

At the end of the last century, psychologist Charles Horton Cooley proposed the theory of the "mirror self". He believed that the image of the Self depends on how others see us. If you use negative labels, there is a very good chance that the person will do so. At the same time, psychologists have found that when adults describe children as kind and helpful, they anonymously give their treats to other children. I suggest doing the exercise. Imagine two circles, one nested within the other. The inner one describes the border of your I. Come up with 10 appeals to your I. What are these appeals? Nicknames or affectionate nicknames, name-calling or words of support? The big circle is the outside world. What properties of it affect your I? Describe it with 10 adjectives. Now pair words and analyze. How does your inner world interact with the outer one? And what does that say about your life? Perhaps that side of your I will open for you, which was not visible or which you did not really want to look at.

Olga DYACHUK,

consultant psychologist, member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League

One of my acquaintances, a writer, as befits a creative person, invents simply amazing nominations for her husband, such as "the carburetor of my engine" - this is when it is necessary for him to fix something, or "the collider of my android" - translated means: "This stupid the phone is frozen again, could you revive it? " Agree, addressing the "Fountain of My Soul" is much more romantic than shouting at the whole house: "Why is our shower broken again?"

Children, too, more easily resign themselves to the requirement to maintain silence when "Their Majesty Andrei Vasilich is pleased to rest" than when the primitive "Quiet everyone, dad is sleeping!"

EXPERT OPINION

HOW YACHT YACHT - SO SHE WILL FLY

This is not only about yachts, but also about children and parents. If from a young age the most significant people call a boy a scarecrow or a girl a dirty one, how can one not believe them? And a real scarecrow and a real grubby grows up. Even if not outwardly, then at least with an internal burn from a lifetime stigma. So believe that all parents want their children only … WHAT? Parental limitation is a guarantee of hereditary character damage.

And when a husband and wife switch to “mom” and “dad” after the first baby appears, this is a direct path to the gradual cessation of intimate relationships: it is subconsciously understood that they do not sleep with MOM, and with DAD there must be absolutely sinless relations. The subconscious is our everything, and we must live so that a little later it would not be excruciatingly painful for what is imposed on ourselves and our beloved children.

Be merciful and loving - then no one will leave offended.

Yuri Prokopenko,

sexologist, candidate of psychological sciences, researcher at the Federal Center for Medical Sexology and Sexopathology

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Unfortunately, we can observe a sad trend towards the transformation of spouses into a pair of parents, when people from year to year call themselves only "dad and mom". It is clear that when a couple has their first child, it is so exciting and exciting that these words sound like the highest title, almost like the President of the Galaxy. But after a while, when euphoria gives way to weariness from routine, it would be good to remind ourselves that we are not only the parents of this prankster, but also sexual partners, and friends, and adults. Not mom, Katya and dad, Misha, but the Cat and the Bear, as it was in our youth, when we met and fell in love, and wanted each other, and were bored and jealous.

Purely mummy: identifying myself as "the mother of that child." I constantly meet in the mail and on social networks various variations on the theme "Mishimama", "Mom of three", "Mom in a square". It seems that, having given birth, a woman ceases to be aware of herself as a separate being. All her inner space becomes filled with a feeling of motherhood, which is certainly very good at the first stage, but scary if it drags on.

Household and family nicknames can tell a lot about the relationship between family members, about the psychological climate, about the place of each in the hierarchy. About who is the favorite and who is the hero, whom we obey and whom we are afraid of. And these are important things that make up the self-awareness of a growing person. Try to pay attention to what words you call your children and loved ones. Everyone wants to be Treasure and Happiness.

HOW TO CHANGE THE NAME?

One of the first exercises in the parenting training “Child with character” is renaming. We write on the cards the words we usually call our children: "stubborn, stubborn, noisy, mad, crybaby." And then we turn it over and write on the other side: "persistent, purposeful, artistic, energetic, sensitive." Some parents in this place begin to cry, because they understand what trap they have driven themselves and their child into. Or maybe they are mourning themselves, for the generation of grandparents, labels and humiliating nicknames just flew off the tongue.