I Do Not Want To Work! - Society

I have been working since I was 16, now I'm almost 19. I live with my mother and a young man (he does not work, he is four years older than me). I didn't go to study after school - why waste time if you already have work? At first everything was great: I felt that I was becoming a more sociable person. But still I was disappointed in the first job and found the second. So I hate her, because they just "spread rot" there. Why such an attitude was developed - I do not understand. I just went out like a match at one moment and I don't want to work anymore. I will do what I really like - take care of the cat. Mom and my boyfriend ask what I will live on. I don't care! I understand that hanging on someone's neck is awful, but what to do?

Polina, 19 years old

In your letter, the most vivid phrase seemed to me: "I understand that hanging on someone's neck is terrible, but what to do?" My answer is: don't do that! Running away from problems, hiding from them at home is not an option.

Recently, in one of the Internet discussions, a heated debate arose that psychologists are too fond of digging in childhood, in traumatic events and are ready to recognize a blow to the head with a shovel in the sandbox as sufficient reason to be suspicious of people. Of course, complex relationships with the world are determined by your personal qualities, as well as the experiences that you have had in life. And one could endlessly admire what one can find in it. But alas, this is more like looking at an analysis under a microscope than something that can lead you to success. Unfortunately, this is exactly how you are going to act: once you find yourself on the couch with the cat, you will feel sorry for yourself, blame the “bad” colleagues who ruined your desire to work.

Sitting at home and not working, arguing that you "cannot" establish normal relationships with people, is very convenient, but ridiculous. Everything will fall into place if you put yourself in the center and give you responsibility for decisions. Instead of “I can’t,” say, “I don’t want to improve my relationship, I don’t want to work anymore.” Thus, you can already feel great responsibility. And if this is your decision, go for it.

However, every decision has a side effect. This decision will greatly affect the entire family situation. Your mother will remain the only breadwinner for an adult daughter and her unemployed young man. And now it will be her turn to make certain decisions. We can assume that you will not like them too much.

It's not that you are deprived of any communication skills, you simply do not want to acquire them. Moreover, we would like to make them a trump card to justify the avoidance of society. But your age is just the time of acquiring communication skills, working on your personality. Young people make many mistakes, but a bad experience is also an experience, and you need to draw conclusions and move on, trying not to step on the same rake. Now is the time to think about getting an education (not necessarily higher, a professional one will do). Think what you really like, what your soul is in? Now, even on the Internet, psychological diagnostics (professional diagnostics) are available, which will help you determine the area where it is worth moving, taking into account the characteristics of your personality.