I Would Blow! - Relations

It's hard to feel sexy and wanted if no one wants you, right? Smooth skin, perfume, beautiful underwear, loose hair, tight-fitting clothes, smooth movements - all this is often done for the partner, not for yourself. As if our attraction belongs to someone else. However, the partner does not have a "button" from our excitement, all the remote controls are in our hands. From this understanding begins the joy of self-possession and acceptance of one's sexuality.

What prevents us from realizing and accepting our own sexuality? Touching the phenomena of corporeality, we can discover the habitual errors of reasoning that lead us away from the simple given of being, one of which is attraction. In childhood and adolescence, no one has problems with sexuality (if the body is not "anchored" the trauma associated with the sexual use of the child, the puritanical demands of adults and a distorted attitude to the natural in the family). All children masturbate, exploring their bodies, comforting and entertaining themselves. The sexuality of adolescents is demanding and fierce, simply because of the avid bodily changes that make themselves known. Both young men and women are faced with the manifest of attraction for the first time, trying to understand what it is and how to relate to it. Quite often this state is not connected with any external object at all - this is how the bodily apparatus preparing for reproduction tests its powers.

Then society intervenes in the development of sexuality, and it turns out that it is indecent for girls to “want”, and it is “necessary” for young men. Society rigidly indicates what should and how is right, and the power of restrictions is such that the stories of many greats can be viewed in the context of their struggle with their attraction, in which thousands of people were drawn, which led to the creation of striking works of art or, conversely, destroyed something. that's valuable. In this battle of the natural and the social, there are no privileged groups. Both men (who should always want) and women (who should not want on their own) are equally deprived of the property rights to attraction and sexuality, which are very important to regain, even now. Let's collect in one place different phenomena of sexuality and sketch out the ways of appropriating that very “button”.

1. The first phenomenon

Attraction is a manifestation of physicality, not a relationship. Attraction is natural, it is required for procreation and is "encoded" in our instinctive behavior. It can be very strong or very weak, but experiencing it is as normal as feeling hungry and thirsty, sleeping, sending out natural urges and yawning. We are attracted even when there is no sexual partner: women - on the days when conception is most likely, men - as needed to renew the supply of semen. If the attraction is suppressed due to inhibitions, traumatic experience, asceticism or fear of punishment, it naturally "migrates" to areas beyond the control of consciousness - erotic dreams and nocturnal orgasms appear.

Let's explore. Observe yourself for a month, and you will notice - the attraction manifests itself every day in different ways. It is alive and resembles an inhalation-exhalation cycle. Quite often couples with experience come to a calm rhythm of sexual life, focusing on this natural regime, and do not "force" each other with the demands of intimacy on those days when they really do not want it.

2. The second phenomenon

This leads to the second phenomenon of attraction: so many additional meanings have been “attached” to it that nature has no place in our sexuality. It is customary to “celebrate” the holidays with sex, “give” it for the New Year, Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary and birthday, complete reconciliation with it and include it in the program of meeting after separation. It is normal for a romantic evening or date to end with sex. He also acts as "payment" and "gratitude" for valuable gifts, for help around the house, for a day spent in a good mood. They treat it as an opportunity to show their power and play the game "I will not give". In addition, sex acts as a "ruler" for measuring the volume of feelings - if there has been no intimacy for a long time, then love is fading …

Let's explore. Try not to force yourself and your partner to have sex just because you think it's right. The freedom and joy of having your sexuality begins where you are ready to say “no” to yourself on the day when you really don’t want to, and to say “yes” to yourself when the attraction pulsates in your body.

3. The third phenomenon

Attraction is conscious, and it can not only be noticed, but also developed, strengthened. However, it can also be suppressed and driven into dark corners, creating a breeding ground for the development of perversions (the desire to satisfy one's cravings in a way not related to sex - for example, by torturing others). You can feel sexy in any outfit, in any situation, in any weather. At various women's trainings, all kinds of tools are collected to enhance this feeling, walk without underwear, wear stockings, and so on. But most likely, it's not about external attributes, but about the courage to admit your right to sexuality, even if you are not a fashion model, not young, not slim, and Robbie Williams (or someone else from a younger generation) does not fantasize about you.

Let's explore. The goal of our final exploration is to feel comfortable in our own body and to hear its messages. Experiment by changing clothes, external environment. Any practice that allows us to return to our own body - dancing, contact improvisation, stretching, massage, singing, painting - promotes acceptance of sexuality. Begin to notice it, and that will be enough for a major change to occur.

Once you realize that your sexuality is yours, it becomes impossible to use it for social play and manipulation. This is the price of the awareness and choice you make. But, accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you choose a certain road on which there are really restrictions. If on that path you are in a state of peace with your own attraction and, looking in the mirror, you can safely say the sacramental: "I would blow" - everything is going great!