Table of contents:
- BLIND WATER
- PLAYING ON A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT
- PALM DIALOGUE
- A WORLD IN WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE
- I am with myself - I am with you
- EXPERT OPINION
Video: Blind Meeting - Relations
Each union is individual and unlike any other. What is joy for one couple, for another will only cause irritation, for the third - fear. And there can be no universal “formula of love”. Each couple must find it themselves. With common effort.
What are the criteria for determining the success of a marriage relationship? There are only two of them - inner satisfaction and the duration of the union. And they do not depend on the strength of the original feeling, but on several important factors:
- the degree of initial coincidence of partners;
- desire to negotiate;
- ability to negotiate.
An absolute coincidence can only be between the clones of one person, and a man and a woman are initially different, if only because he is a man and she is a woman. Unfortunately, the more discrepancies, both fundamental (religion) and everyday (she loves silence, he needs the TV to work in the background), the faster "the love boat will break." But in any, even the most difficult case, the ability to negotiate should be called for help.
We offer you psychotherapeutic games that will help you get to know each other better and tune in: feel, negotiate, adjust. These exercises can be done not only by lovers, spouses, but also friends, colleagues, relatives.
Preparation. Distribute the roles among themselves: N1 and N2. Partner N1 closes his eyes and makes his hand a bucket, he will be "Blind". And N2 - "Guide" - puts the index finger in the center of his palm.
Instruction. Point contact complicates the task. The task of the Guide is to drive the Blind (the exercise can be done indoors or in the park), take care of him, pleasantly surprise him by offering him different speeds and turns. The Blind Man's job is to fully trust and follow his partner. It is impossible to speak, the palm and finger remain the only point of bodily contact. Try to feel body signals from your partner. Give this interaction 10-15 minutes.
Analysis. After the game, discuss your experience. Tell your partner honestly what you liked about the interaction and what didn't. If you like the role of the Guide more, then you strive to be a leader in the relationship, to control. On the one hand, you know how to take responsibility, on the other, you prefer to play by your own rules. But behind strong control lies distrust of the partner and insecurity, which is alarming.
The preference for the role of the Blind speaks of the desire to avoid responsibility, passivity, up to the infantile position of the Victim. The plus is that you know how to trust.
PLAYING ON A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT
Preparation. You will need a musical recording to which you will move for about 5-7 minutes.
Instruction. One of the partners gets up with closed eyes, the second starts to play it like a musical instrument. Naturally, all actions are symbolic - you can stroke your partner, pat, touch him without causing discomfort. Interaction takes place without words and preliminary agreements, impromptu is important. The task of the Musician is to feel the desires of the Instrument, to help it open up and “sound” as much as possible. The task of the Tool is to trust your partner, to feel positive emotions, to indicate your desires or discomfort without words. Then switch roles.
Analysis. During the game, attunement takes place, the level of trust, empathy increases, the desire for total control decreases. When you have completed the exercise, talk about what was pleasant and what was not. Did the Musician guess the desires of the Instrument, did he care about it? Could the Instrument communicate its desires, did it trust the Musician? What can be done to make the experience more enjoyable and varied?
If "music of good relationships" emerges, both roles should be enjoyable. If someone likes to be only a Tool, then he clearly prefers to receive rather than give in a relationship, to be passive, not taking responsibility. The preference for the role of the Musician speaks of excessive control, hyperresponsibility, mistrust in a partner. Therefore, it is useful to be in both roles.
Preparation. You will need 20-30 minutes of free time.
Instruction. Partners sit opposite each other and close their eyes. At the same time, you study each other's hands: fingers, palms. Imagine that you first met this person and your hands can tell you about him. Only hands! All interaction takes place without words. Take your time, set yourself a challenge and try to learn as much as possible. What character does this person have? What's the mood now? What did he go through, what is his story? Is it open to contact? What kind of pain does he carry? How does it deal with it? What resources do you feel? How are they expressed? What would you like to share with this person? What could you take from him?
At the end of the exercise without words, try to express your attitude towards it with your hands. Then talk about what you learned and felt.
Analysis. Alas, relationships are often built on mutual projections, illusory expectations, self-deception and involuntary deception of a partner. It's a shaky foundation, and the relationships built on it will soon collapse. “Dialogue of palms” allows you to take off your mask and see your partner without a mask, makes the contact deep, authentic. This exercise is great not only at the stage of acquaintance, but also for partners who know each other well.
A WORLD IN WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE
Preparation. Get a Whatman or A3 sheet of paper, a stack of picture magazines, scissors and glue.
Instruction. Do not discuss the idea of the collage in advance, and also remain silent throughout the interaction. You can communicate, but without words. So, you need to jointly create a collage called "The world I would like to live in." You will most likely need half an hour, but you can create appliques and more time - until each partner feels that the collage is complete.
Analysis. Discuss frankly at the end of the exercise: Have there been any conflicts between you? How did you solve them? Did you respect your partner's opinion? Have you sacrificed your interests to your detriment? Were you able to negotiate and compromise? Was there a leader, did it suit both? Have everyone's ideas and needs been realized, or has someone been disadvantaged? Do both of you like the resulting collage? If you don't like it, why didn't you defend your interests? Have you shifted responsibility to your partner? What did you like about the interaction and what didn't? Do your views on the "ideal world" coincide, what is the difference, is it surmountable?
The way you behaved during the exercise symbolically reflects your relationship and life strategy of interaction.
I am with myself - I am with you
Many relationship problems stem from the fact that we either focus too much on our partner and lose ourselves, or become self-centered and isolate ourselves from our partner. The last exercise helps diagnose the tendency to a particular position and find a balance.
Preparation. Agree to do the exercise in silence and discuss your experiences later.
Instruction. Stand with your partner back to back, touching your bodies so that both are comfortable. The exercise will be in three parts, each lasting three to five minutes.
- Focus exclusively on your partner, try to feel what state he is in, what is happening to him. To do this, you can touch more tightly. Forget about yourself, feel your partner, take care of him.
- Now, without interrupting bodily contact, you shift your attention exclusively to yourself. Think only of your own good in this contact.
- Finally, you feel both yourself and your partner at the same time. Take care of both.
Analysis. After bodily interaction, you discuss: which part is more familiar, easier, more pleasant for you? Has balance been achieved? What helped to do this? After all, this experience reveals an unconscious interaction in your contact.
CHANGE YOUR WORLD
For the preservation of marriage and normal family relations, it is not so much common interests and life values that are important as the willingness of partners to compromise, the ability to negotiate. The family, like the individual, develops overcoming crises. These crises are inevitable: people change, circumstances change, and the reaction of partners to the same events can be completely different. Problems at work, the birth of children, the aging of parents - ordinary situations can destroy a family or … bring it to a new level. And here it does not matter what initially united people - common interests and life goals or just feelings. The main thing is whether the partners want to meet each other halfway. It so happens that only one of the spouses is ready to make concessions to save the family. And then the way out can be individual psychotherapy - after all, when a person changes,the world around him is also changing.
psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences