"Were At The Granny's " - Relations

Today it seems that civil marriage is a newfangled phenomenon that has become widespread only since the beginning of the 1990s. In fact, in the days of our grandmothers and even great-grandmothers, this was also not uncommon. Even Nikita Khrushchev married his "first lady", already being a very old man. Before that, he and his Nina lived together for 40 years without a stamp in their passport! Is it true that “a good deed cannot be called a marriage,” says sociologist Olga ISUPOVA.

Dossier

Olga ISUPOVA is an Associate Professor at the Department of Demography at the Higher School of Economics (HSE).

OUR PSYCHOLOGY: Today, many couples try to bypass marriage. What is the reason for this?

OLGA ISUPOVA: To live in a couple without registering a relationship, we really have a long tradition. Since the twenties of the XX century. Until the mid-forties, the actual marriage was by law almost equal to the registered one. Then cohabitation, like divorces, began to be condemned, but at first the legislation changed - divorce and registration of illegitimate children with the participation of their biological fathers were practically prohibited. But for many, the "ancestral memory" of their grandparents, who lived their whole lives "unpainted", has been preserved. “Granny was doing well! Why do I need this stamp in my passport?"

But there are other motives for not getting married. This process is influenced by the fashion for free relationships. And the problem of mistrust is still urgent today. The more educated people are and the more they have, the more difficult it is for them to trust each other and share everything, including property.

Many are dominated by fears associated with previous divorce experiences. And now we have a lot of divorces. Thus, if a person divorced once or twice, he often does not want to marry the third time. Another option - a person relies on the sad experience of divorcing his friends or parents. And even superstition plays a role! For example, some people believe that if they get married, they will definitely separate!

THREE LEADERS

If you are told that more than half of our marriages break up, do not believe it. This is mistake.

Each year, indeed, more unions break up than are formed. But it's not just those who got married this year that get divorced. With that in mind, the divorce rates won't seem so significant. The United States of America has long been the leader in terms of divorce. But now we have more divorces in Belarus.

NP: They also say that the current crisis is to blame for everything …

OI: The very idea that something has changed with the crisis is fundamentally wrong. In fact, our "difficult times" began in the early 1990s. That is, they have been going on for more than twenty years. And the economic reasons affecting people who want or do not want to get married are just one of many.

NP: We started our conversation with the topic of "unwillingness" to get married. But at the beginning of 2015, I more than once came across notes in the press that, in spite of everything, Russians began to register relations no less, and even more, than in previous years. It's true?

OI: Probably, at the beginning of the year there was no accurate statistics on this issue. Now demographers have found that there is no increase in the number of marriages. Only in Moscow at some point there was a slight surge, and across the country as a whole, getting married and getting married became even a little less common. That is, the general trend has not been broken in any way.

FACE TO FACE

The phrase "We understand each other perfectly" most often becomes the beginning of the divorce proceedings. American psychologists from the University of Chicago and Massachusetts Williams College came to this unexpected conclusion. They found that spouses lose rapport not because they drift away, but because they become psychologically too close.

Perceiving the other half as ourselves, we begin to communicate, using more and more ambiguous phrases, believing that the partner will definitely understand their meaning. This is where family hell begins. According to the experimenters, when people communicate with unfamiliar interlocutors, they try to be understood and avoid ambiguity, but in a conversation with a spouse, they no longer specify anything. Psychologists came to their discovery by conducting experiments with the participation of 24 married couples. Each subject - husband or wife - had to communicate one of the everyday ambiguous phrases. For example, a woman would say, “I'm all on fire,” and in most cases, husbands believed that their wives were hinting at sexual contact. And few people guessed that this was a request to turn on the air conditioner, because the room became too hot. A group of 60 students was also tested,unmarried, but maintaining friendly relations. And everything repeated again - the relatives were most mistaken when conveying ambiguous expressions. According to one of the co-authors of the study, Professor Nicholas Apley, long-term presence of people next to each other creates an illusion of understanding in them, which in reality does not exist.

NP: Is the decrease in the number of marriages a global trend?

OI: Yes, this is a general trend. And there are many reasons why people around the world refuse to marry. Including there is a dependence on the characteristics of the culture. For example, unregistered marriages are common in Europe. And in Japan, people have generally become less likely to enter into any partnership alliances. Especially if the woman is educated and can find a good job. By the way, the birth rate is also decreasing almost everywhere.

There is a theory about the so-called "second demographic transition." The world is now moving in this direction.

Demographic transition

This is a historically rapid decline in fertility and mortality, with the result that population reproduction is reduced to a simple replacement of generations. This process is part of the transition from a traditional society (characterized by a high birth rate and high mortality) to an industrial one.

The authors of the concept of the second demographic transition are Ron Lesteg and Dirk Van de Kaa. The main idea was formulated in 1986. There is no consensus among researchers about the reasons for the second demographic transition, but the prevailing point of view is that it is a consequence of the wide spread of an individualistically oriented system of values and changes in behavior norms, including the demographic one.

NP: Tell us more about this phenomenon

OI: Let's start with the first demographic transition. This is a generally accepted theory, which says that there has never been a mass large number of children, but there was a multi-birth rate. That is, many children appeared in families, but a huge part of them died. Thus, some families remained childless, while in others many children survived, but the average family had two to four children. At the same time, adults died too early. Thus, a balance was established between high mortality and high birth rates. And the population hardly increased.

Then, with the development of medicine, mortality began to decrease, and the birth rate began to rise. It became clear that the population was growing very quickly and there might soon be insufficient resources for everyone. At first, this was not very noticeable. But by the end of the 18th century, they began to think about this and look for ways to reduce the birth rate. Of course, there was a lot of debate about whether it was possible to give people the means to reduce it, many believed that it was dangerous. But, one way or another, contraceptives spread and they began to be used more and more widely.

So the families again had about two children. Scientists thought the world would move from a balance of high mortality and high fertility to a balance of low mortality and low fertility. But that did not happen. The birth rate began to decline more and more. More and more countries appeared where the population could no longer reproduce naturally. And it was necessary to understand why this is happening.

HEALTH FOR TWO

Both in grief and in joy the spouses swear to be together, uniting their lives. But does this very grief affect the quality of their marriage? Researchers from King's College London found this relationship. Stress is known to have a significant impact on blood pressure and cardiovascular health. Negative emotions lead to pressure surges, arrhythmias and headaches.

The researchers who conducted the experiment found that the spouses, regardless of how long they live together, can be considered as a single organism. And stress in one family member affects the health of another. But this, it turns out, is not all. Husbands were found to be more sensitive to the stress of their wives, and not vice versa. Women in most cases ignore the stress of their halves. The experimenters believe that this is not a matter of selfishness, but of the sensitivity of men who need emotional support from their friends, but they do not receive it. After all, it is at this moment that the woman herself is not in the best condition and cannot fully pay attention to her loved one. So believe after this "everyday psychology", which asserts that the most persistent in the family is always a man. Outwardly, maybe yes, but in reality, save him first.

Then the theory of the second demographic transition appeared. She says that over time the way of life of people changes, the variability of life choices is growing, there are changes in marriage.

NP: In some countries, it has become possible to register same-sex marriages. How did this affect the statistics?

OI: These marriages, of course, are considered by statisticians. True, they have not yet become a significant value anywhere. But the very fact that such alliances became possible is a manifestation of the same tendencies of the second demographic transition.

NP: Can you find out how many couples live in unregistered relationships?

OI: We do not have accurate statistical data in Russia, because such a question was not asked during the census. But indirectly, this can be judged, for example, by extramarital birth. More precisely, according to the data on the joint registration of children by mother and father who are not in official relations. But we must remember that a couple living without registration may not have children … So it is very difficult to talk about any numbers.

IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM

Childfree (English childfree - "free from children; voluntarily childless") is a subculture and ideology characterized by a conscious unwillingness to have children in the name of personal freedom.

NP: Have you tried to count the adherents of the ideology of "childfree"?

OI: It is very difficult to count conscious "childfree". But there is one interesting study by Italian scientists who studied women at the end of reproductive age (40–44 years). The researchers investigated why these women are childless. Out of about a thousand respondents in Italy, the division was as follows: a third (or even less) among the childless are infertile or have health problems. About a third of the respondents consciously did not want children. The rest are those who somehow did not have a relationship with the opposite sex. But we must not forget that many women still do not want to give birth alone, without male support, because it is more difficult from a financial point of view.

NP: We are often frightened by the increasing number of barren people on Earth, is that true?

OI: There is no evidence that the number of infertile people has increased. Especially for women. But as for the stronger sex, there are epidemiological studies showing that their fertility is indeed gradually decreasing. With every generation. Strictly speaking, the sperm counts of men born in the fifties, then in the seventies, and so on, until our time, were studied. And every time these indicators get worse. To the point that even the standards are changing - what is considered normal sperm. Fewer and fewer motile and full-fledged spermatozoa are detected. And sooner or later, perhaps a critical barrier will be passed. Although it is still possible to get pregnant from most men without the help of doctors.