It Stuck To You! - Self-development

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Putting labels on people is unreasonable, subtle and generally unintelligent. Everyone knows this, but try to do without them for a while - and you will feel as if you are playing "Yes" and "no" do not say. " Don't last long.

I, like most of my peers, I learned obscene words in the pioneer camp. Nouns denoted a certain Tanya, verb derivatives - all her actions, since no one was friends with her. None, of course, from "normal people", the rest were very friendly with her. But then the "fools" are not aware of them: a timid, skinny creature with knees smeared with green paint and terrifyingly short bangs disgraces the proud pride of 11-year-old girls, which means it is immediately expelled away.

Why such a dramatic example? Labels, or, scientifically speaking, value judgments are generally not harmless. On the one hand, they are necessary because they save our cognitive efforts, allowing us to draw conclusions about people and events “on the roll” and not reinvent the wheel every time. On the other hand, the hasty verdict has nothing to do with the presumption of innocence. In the pledge of child bullying, this is especially evident: "mama's son", "ugly", "slob", "sneak", as well as all other unpopular roles for the community.

But what happens in adults? All the same. It does not matter what the label will be, snobbishly arrogant about “a person not of our circle”, forced corporate about “inability to build communication” or unpretentiously generally accepted about a donkey, the essence is the same: to drive him or her with an unclean broom and to the Canadian border.

TWO AGAIN

Most experts associate the habit of giving unflattering assessments to near and far with the protective mechanisms of the psyche, namely, with projections, when their own negative experiences are attributed to others according to the principle "from a sore head to a healthy one." So, a person who is pathologically "lucky" to have inadequate bosses, envious colleagues and insincere friends-buddies crowds out his own gloomy perception of the world, because it is very, very difficult to admit to yourself that you are embittered by the whole world. Or, for example, a mother-in-law, with rapture complaining about her daughter-in-law. It is obvious to everyone that we are talking about jealousy, except for the lady herself: she is convinced that if “this monkey was a decent woman,” everything would be different. Shortcuts are also "convenient" because they help to relieve oneself of responsibility for the relationship. In this sense, the family myth about the apple and the apple tree is very characteristic.

“When we have an explanation for the fact that our loved ones have fatal flaws (“he’s all like a daddy!”Or“she’s a spitting-out mother”), then we are relieved of all responsibility for what is happening,” explains Natalya Evsikov. "After all, if everything is a foregone conclusion, it makes no sense to try to change something." In fact, the problem is far from similarity and similarity, but the fact that we ourselves create a situation in such a way that a person behaves in a similar way. An analogue to this is the correlation of a character with a zodiac sign. This is an even more frank way, without clarifying the reasons and essence of the phenomenon, to say: “What to do? He's a lion, that's why he's so aggressive!"

By the way, for children, such statements are especially dangerous, because they practically do not leave a chance to change: what can we talk about when it is known that lions are hostile, virgins are distrustful, and bulls are stubborn? So a person will live with his suspicion, suspiciousness or intransigence, not thinking that everything could be different.

I WILL BE CORRECTED

Of course, no one wants to become the object of someone's rash judgments. As a result, we demonstrate the originality of the mind, versatility, adequacy, sense of humor and many other good qualities, inevitably being at the mercy of another stereotype - evaluative dependence. Conceptually formulated and discovered by psychologist Vladimir Levy, this habit is formed in early childhood as one of the main tools of socialization. To some extent, it is useful because it provides the ability to adapt to the environment, its norms, mentality and values. In "off-scale" degrees, the estimated dependence becomes the source of numerous neuroses, fears, and especially social phobia. One of the most common examples is shyness. Seemingly passive, compromising position,unwillingness to "stick out" should lead a person out of the zone of interest of evil languages. However, in practice, things are different. According to Stanford University professor Philip Zimbardo, timid people are more often subjected to negative assessments and even harassment, if only due to the existence of the already mentioned projection mechanism. Blank Slate is a great screen for those who are used to noticing a straw in someone else's eye. The other pole of the evaluative dependence will be the fear of inattention and, accordingly, the search for attention at any cost, when it does not matter whether it is good or bad, the main thing is to remember and speak.timid people are more often subjected to negative assessments and even harassment, if only due to the existence of the already mentioned projection mechanism. Blank Slate is a great screen for those who are used to noticing a straw in someone else's eye. The other pole of the evaluative dependence will be the fear of inattention and, accordingly, the search for attention at any cost, when it does not matter whether it is good or bad, the main thing is to remember and speak.timid people are more often subjected to negative assessments and even harassment, if only due to the existence of the already mentioned projection mechanism. Blank Slate is a great screen for those who are used to noticing a straw in someone else's eye. The other pole of the evaluative dependence will be the fear of inattention and, accordingly, the search for attention at any cost, when it does not matter whether it is good or bad, the main thing is to remember and speak.

I SEE FRUIT

Of course, our criticism is by no means always unfair or wrong. After all, if someone barks, runs like a dog, that is a dog. In principle, one can argue with this, but everyone who strives for non-judgmental thinking as such, inevitably slide into relativism - the transition from absolute knowledge to relative knowledge, from ready-made answers to endless questions.

“If you need to buy a disposable lighter, you will not spend long hours studying the technical characteristics of this device, polling experienced users and structured interviews with sellers,” notes Doctor of Psychology, Professor Elena Sergienko. - You just consider one of the lighters the most reliable and convenient to use and purchase it. This is the meaning of evaluative behavior: it may be wrong in the strict sense of the word, but most often it will be optimal in terms of economy and minimization of effort."

It is pointless to eradicate the habit of evaluative thinking, it is useful and even necessary - provided that we do not put up labels and lay some "error". According to a study by the Institute of Psychology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, the rationality of our conclusions is inevitably violated by a whole group of factors: the specifics of the task, context, cultural stereotypes, as well as our attitude towards ourselves and our emotional state. Take at least such a thing as self-esteem.

Previously, it was believed that "normal" mentally healthy people evaluate themselves objectively, that is, they do not underestimate or overestimate their merits in comparison with those around them, but recent experiments by scientists have proved that this is not entirely true. American psychologists asked volunteers to rate their mental abilities, choosing the most appropriate answer from three options: "I am much smarter than most people of my age", "I am somewhat more stupid than most" and "I am the same as everyone else."

As a result, the overwhelming majority chose the "smarter" option … Another factor that hinders the accuracy of our conclusions is the so-called halo effect, when certain qualities are attributed to a person depending on our attitude towards him. Let's say we think that Ivanov is an intelligent person. We begin to ascribe to him thoughts, actions and characteristics that, in our opinion, are characteristic of an intelligent person. As a result, if he does not act as we expected (he goes and complains about us to his superiors), we perceive it almost as a betrayal and immediately issue another template conclusion: there are devils in a still pool!

ESTIMATES. APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS

Trust yourself

A value judgment may be incorrect, but optimal, since the accuracy in displaying reality is not the only criterion for the optimality of estimates. There is also a saving in cognitive efforts, an increase in the effectiveness of subsequent action (when we think that we are doing the right thing, we act more confidently), an improvement in the emotional state ("well, after all, we are right!").

But check

if you are very offended at someone, convinced that the other is guided by the most vile selfish considerations, you should know that you are sticking a label. Do not look for malicious intent in other people's actions, look for logic. She's usually there.

Talk openly about your feelings

“Everyone has their own feelings, so it is impossible to know each other's inner world for sure,” says Natalya Manukhina, a clinical and medical psychologist, associate professor at the Institute of Practical Psychology and Psychoanalysis.

Do not check the horoscope It is convenient to

divide near and far into rams, lions, monkeys, dragons and mice, and there is certainly some sensible idea in these "bestiaries" polished over the centuries. Only science has gone further. There are many ways to define psychotypes: you can "divide" according to Myers-Briggs, Jung or Gannushkin, it is not so difficult. If you know all this, great. Take into account the mental characteristics of the other person and still ask again if he really meant what you thought.